I Am Ninjaaa... NOT  

I am Ninja...

Spoiler Alert: Avoid the third paragraph if you don't like spoilers.

Hokay. Let me start by saying I love ninjas. Like, absolutely love them. It stems from a childhood of watching kung fu films, then jumping around the room and doing back flips onto the sofas, stuff like that. Given the chance, who wouldn’t want to be a ninja? The desire to be a ninja goes beyond wanting to emulate their acrobatics; after all there are gymnasts who pull off moves that make them seem like they are missing a few major bones. No, people want to be ninjas because they are cool at what they do. They are stealthy, they are fast, they look cool, and they are proficient with weapons... the list goes on. This is why a game like Ninja Gaiden 2 appeals to me. It gives me the opportunity to not only see a ninja in action, but to also perform moves I only dream of. However, despite the substantial level of immersion, it is still just a game and it tends to forget that. A lot.

That right there is my problem with Ninja Gaiden 2. You see, for me games are entertainment, nothing more. I don’t see games as challenges, I don’t play them in order to prove how hardcore I am or something. If a game starts being unreasonably hard, I just stop playing it. And find something else. Ninja Gaiden 2 is this type of game. I played the first one on the old Xbox and got rapidly frustrated with it. In a fit of madness (it was also relatively cheap), I forgot this fact entirely, and bought the second game. It’s a great game, depending on what you’re attempting to get out of it. If you just want to jump around and do some (or a lot!) of flashy moves, then by all means play this game. You will not be disappointed. However, if you want a game that has an interesting story, beautiful locales, engaging characters, etc... then please, stay away, because Ninja Gaiden 2 drops the ball several times on these points. It’s like the dev team said, let’s make the coolest ninja in the world and then give him a reason, any reason, to display his moves.

For example, the game has ninja dogs. As in, dogs, that are ninjas. As in, wild (or possibly rabid) dogs, that have daggers strapped to their hindquarters. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, lord knows lots of games have eccentric, poorly thought out enemies, but in Ninja Gaiden, it’s another symptom of it’s... well, stupidness. I have the game, and despite playing it for a good while, I’m not entirely sure what the story is about. I do know it involves the CIA, some chick who should be called Boobs Mcfadden, and a buncha idiots who want to open up some portals in order to release some other idiots who want to destroy the world Oh yeah, and Ryu’s dad, who’s called Joe. I haven’t finished it, because the game is ridiculously hard. This is what I was referring to earlier. I could have tolerated the stupid story, the cardboard characters, but on top of all that, it’s hard?

Please. I’m playing it on the easiest setting, and it’s still a challenge to get through the bosses. The minions... meh, they’re hit and miss. Sometimes I blow past them, other times I have major problems defeating a bunch of lowlife werewolves. I’m stuck at one point in the game, because after defeating this boss, his minions then gang up on me and try to take me out. Seeing as I didn’t go into the first fight with a full health bar, the second fight becomes a major problem. Never mind that I only get to the second fight 30% of the time. It’s not even like I suck terribly at it, the game is just unnecessarily hard. Stupid hard, I call it. I mean, I’ve defeated enemies (in this same game, mind), that are as tall as skyscrapers, and now I’m having trouble with what is essentially middle management and his posse? Okay okay, maybe the VP. It’s still stupid.

I love ninjas as much as the next guy, but man... nothing is worth that kind of punishment. Especially not some second rate game with a half baked story.

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